I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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