It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
