My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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