Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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