Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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