What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
