her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
