im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
