Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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