he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
