The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
