If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can I color on your dick again?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
