i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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