just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
