if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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