I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
