Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
