hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
