Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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