I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
