I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
