She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
