I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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