listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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