Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
