I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
