My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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