she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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