apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
