conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sarcasm needs its own font
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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