just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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