what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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