if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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