The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
