are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
