Soap is not a condiment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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