I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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