There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
