you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
