Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
