I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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