thus making me awesome and them whores
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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