He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
