next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
