also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
