One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
