Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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