So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
