ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
