I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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