I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
