It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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