Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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