the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
