the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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