Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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