I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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