I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
