Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
