He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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